Editor’s Note: The following submission is from Rev Ry. Have an LGBTQ+ related experience or story to share? Having your article published on this site will automatically enrol you into a raffle to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card. Submit an article today via queerdeermedia.com.
So gay at 50! What’s that like? Well living in the countryside an hour and a half by train to London it is quite isolated, there is a pub half an hour’s drive away but today it is for the young lgbt+ rather than my age group. There is limited if any lgbt+ 50+ age groups, and to be honest as a couple most of them wouldn’t suit us or the things we enjoy. Over the years as friends move back to their county of birth and most them were straight you tend to become a little recluse, we don’t mind this, don’t get us wrong, but enjoying our own company suits us. As gay Christians in England we haven’t found any fully accepting lgbt+ churches near where we live, but we do attend one church 30 minutes away but only for Eucharist and they still think after many years we are visitors to the area! Heaven forbid we disclose were married and gay, this usually causes the priests to rush to a sudden appointment they remembered, like every time! Healthcare here, they still, despite us telling them asks who this is? Referring to my husband! And when they know who it is they still refer to him as ‘your partner’. We are now in the process of discussing and planning where to retire to, we live in a large detached home at present too big for the two of us, and so the type of home and location is in discussion, my aim is a 5 year plan, then sell our present home and hove to our retirement home, probably a two bedroom echo friendly thermally efficient bungalow somewhere. My husband does the weekly shop at several stores again 30 minutes away, I hate grocery shopping so don’t go.
We do however try to get out together maybe once every two weeks, as my husband still works 4 days a week in the healthcare sector, and I am presently starting a business offering lgbt+ weddings and other ceremonies within the UK. I did consider doing my PhD but to be honest why? It costs a fortune and at 50 why bother I already have other degrees. As the body starts getting older you notice the joints, eyesight hearing and other areas show their age, maybe too much clubbing etc as a young gay guy. I think you begin not to worry as much as you used to, and my advice to the younger generation of lgbt+ would be to stop worrying so much, try not to do drugs, have protected sex, save for a home of your own and a pension, and work through relationship problems if you can, so many lgbt+ on face book etc are always posting; ‘I’m lonely, I’ll never find a partner’ ‘I’m too old now to find a partner’ both my relationships one of 8years and my marriage of 14 years both came out of the blue when I wasn’t expecting them too, so stop stressing about them, enjoy life, it’s too brief to wallow in self pity, volunteer for a good cause, and laugh, laugh lots, with friends, family and partners/wives/husbands/children. Finally the church has been taught to hate us, BUT read as many books etc on lgbt+ such as Matthew Vines God and the Gay Christian, don’t just take what the church has to say on the subject, find out for yourself, being a Christian all my life, God personally hasn’t told me he hates me, nor that he made a mistake, nor that I am going to hell, until he personally does, I look forward to seeing my saviour face to face one day. Lots of blessings, hugs and lgbt+ love to all who read this. Rev Ry xxx