Editor’s Note: The following submission is from Michael J Stark. Have an LGBTQ+ related experience or story to share? Having your article published on this site will automatically enrol you into a raffle to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card. Submit an article today via queerdeermedia.com.
[amazon_link asins=’B01HPMUQZE’ template=’ProductAdRight’ store=’ourqueerstories-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’fffe4181-b8d4-11e7-9722-afbe9d0a98e0′]Remember when we could go to the G & L center (Gay and Lesbian) holding hands? I do. This was in 1992 – 1995 in San Diego. The only center I knew until I went to Palm Springs and San Francisco. Gay men led the center and started it. As I got more involved, I faced the
harsh reality that gay men who were uber hot wanted only men who were just as hot (in their minds), the ads online would read “NO FATS, NO FEMS”. It wasn’t in to be a bear or effeminate. I felt excluded and ashamed of my sexuality. I did not feel a part of it all. I wasn’t and
still am not proud of my community. Times are not that different, men still want only the super sexy and most are looking for only a one
night stand or no strings attached. This paints a picture of men who are of a sociopath nature who are unable to care or love another
person. I have had many friends who are more concerned with work, education, and their material things than finding a partner. I have
been able to achieve all of it, without fear. I love hard, I work hard. I am not ashamed to love another man. My partner of going on 5
years, Ben, to whom I’m engaged, we do not have much but we are happy with our cat, Sally, she is an all-black kitty.
A few years ago we lived in an apartment in San Diego. The maintenance man did not like gay men. Over a short period, we were told we had to go. We refused. A previous roommate had brought in bed bugs. The owner paid for it once. We couldn’t afford to have the unit retreated. I complained to the housing commission and to the major’s office. We were ignored. In January of 2015 we received an eviction notice. We tried to fight it but we lost in court. We moved to the Bay area and settled in Fresno. My partner has mental health issues like I do. Like any couple we sometimes fight. The neighbor’s downstairs also fought.
The manager took their side saying, “They have been here longer than you.” I asked them to be understanding and to care about others. The manager said, “We are not in the business to care.” Since we were no longer in favor with the management, she decided that my husband was no longer welcome. I told her I couldn’t split up my family. After the new year we received an eviction notice. I have worked hard as a substance abuse counselor in San Diego for MHS Inc and I have completed my bachelors and masters in Psychology. I am educated, yet poor as dirt. I never asked or deserved this kind of treatment. I am almost finished with my PH D in General Psychology. I have 9 years clean and sober. I have made more enemies than friends.
I have grown to despise social media. I am hurt and need help. It comes across as anger and resentment. I live in a motel. Sometimes I
hate my life so much. My only light in life is my loving partner and my cat. I am so tired. Most days it is a struggle to get out of bed.